Don't You Dare
by Simply Rexene
Summary: Suddenly there's a deafening silence, a pause before he simply states, "I love you." And without hesitation, I slide the blade down my left forearm using as much pressure as I can force myself to. (M for language, self harm and sexual content. This is a rewrite of an older story of mine.)
1. Part One

_Axel_

"Hey dude," I drawl as I knock loudly on the window of my best friend's police car.

Jumping out of his skin, he rolls down the window while glaring at me harshly, "You know I carry a gun, right? You do that again and I might just shoot you."

"Oh, you're no fun… lighten up Roxie," I tease him, leaning against the frame of the window on my arms. It's kind of true… Roxas has definitely been uptight lately, not that I can blame him much.

"I don't care how fun it is. You should know by now that scaring the police is a good way to get arrested," he levels his eyes on me, quirking one eyebrow. So… yeah, he's arrested me a few times. And yeah, he's bailed me out more than a few times. I suppose I deserved it, but one time I think he only did it to get back at me for pranking him.

Sighing, I run my hand through my cherry red hair, "Whatever man… Are you getting off soon? I need a ride home."

"Home, the apartment? Or… home, your jailcell? You've become quite accustomed to both lately."

I ruffle his sandy blond hair, making him cringe a little, "The apartment, dork! So?"

"You're a lucky bastard… I'm off in ten. Get in."

I stroll around to the other side of the car and almost… almost open the back door. But instead I crawl into the passenger's seat and look around, "Hmm… this is different. I'm usually being shoved into the back of these things."

Roxas just rolls his eyes, "Axel, the fighting _has_ to stop. I can't keep bailing you out of jail. The other officers already think I'm a pussy and… quite frankly, I'm running out of excuses to keep you out of court."

All right, so maybe I can't control my temper… but usually they deserve everything they get. "I know, I know… I've just been so _bored_ since the Heartless and Nobodies disappeared. I've got nothing to vent on!"

When Namine found a way to give us hearts without using Kingdom Hearts, I was absolutely thrilled. Everything Roxas and I had been working for… it was finally real. We became human, which was more than I ever thought I would be. Of course Roxas still wields the Keyblade, and I still have control over fire and my Chakrams. Though… of late, Rox hasn't used the Keyblade once. I suppose he has no need with his fancy policeman gun, and the incredible lack of anything to fight. Now he just takes care of the regular money stealing, fight starting criminals. …Like me.

"So find someone to fuck or something. You can't keep lighting people on fire just because they comment on your strangely colored, oddly spiked hair. I mean, you're never going to make new friends that way and… quite frankly, I'm getting sick of babysitting you."

I just chuckle, "Who's the baby, Rox? You're three years younger than me, if you've suddenly forgotten."

"Two and three quarters!" he defends himself, "And my point is, I'm eons more mature than you even if I am younger."

"You weren't back then…" I grumble, remembering what a hassle it was to take care of him back when we were in the Organization together.

He looks at me, "What did you say?"

I just growl, "Nothing, _father_. I'll behave. Promise."

"Good," he nods, looking down at the clock. "I guess we can just go now… it's pretty pointless to patrol here anyways. Nobody does anything."

He has a point there. Twilight Town has been totally dead lately. People keep moving away, so we have to operate most of our business out of Traverse Town now. I hate having to take the train to get to my tattoo parlor every day, but… it's worth it. I love my shop, and I love my profession.

"Roxas… I'm sorry. I really don't want you to have to babysit me. I just… can't control my anger. I mean, do you really want me to make new friends? Are you that tired of me?" I look over at him, noting the depressing settling into his eyes.

Before he pulls out onto the street, he puts the car back in park and rests his head on the steering wheel. "Axel, you're the best friend I could ever hope for. Really, you are. But… I just feel like there's something missing in me. I feel …empty. I need to figure out what that is and I can't do that if I have to bail you out of jail every time I turn around."

I'm not surprised to hear that… When Namine made us human, she took all of his memories of the Organization and Sora and replaced them with much more pleasant ones. She didn't want to do it… but I couldn't stand having him know that he was never supposed to exist. As far as he's concerned… we grew up in Twilight Town together. Hayner, Pence, Olette… they never existed. Which is actually true, I suppose.

Lately, however, I've noticed him starting to remember small bits and pieces of his past life. Little things, harmless things… but it worries me every day that he's going to start remembering the big things.

"Rox, I didn't know how you were feeling… I'll really try to behave, I promise. No more fighting."

"Yeah, yeah… I've heard it all before, Axel," he mumbled, putting the car back into drive and pulling out onto the street.

I sit in silence on the ride home, feeling incredibly shitty about how depressed he's been. I mean… I live with the guy. I really should've noticed sooner.

Later that evening, I step out of the shower only to smell something delicious wafting into the bathroom. Did Roxas make dinner? He never cooks.

"Whoa, what's the occasion?" I comment as I stroll into the kitchen wearing nothing but pajama pants, "I thought I was the designated cook."

"I dunno… I got bored and felt like cooking," he replies, sounding absolutely hollow.

Grabbing a plate from the cupboard, I take a little bit of everything before retreating to the living room to eat on the couch. He's not far behind me, setting his plate down on the tray next to the recliner. I study him carefully a he sits down, stares at his plate, then flips the leg rest up and curls into a ball with his face hidden in his arms.

"Rox… you okay buddy?" I ask tentatively. I've never seen him like this before…

"Yes," comes his muffled reply, and even though I want to pester him more, I stop.

All through my meal I keep glancing over at Roxas, who hasn't moved an inch. When I finish my dinner, I'm not really sure what to do so I just wrap his plate up and put it in the fridge for later.

"Hey… you gonna go to bed, Rox?" I whisper, placing a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't answer me, so I lift his head a little to find that he's fast asleep. "Well… I can't leave you here, dummy. Your back will hurt for weeks," I decide, lifting the smaller man up into my arms rather easily. I'm lucky he's so short, or I might not have been able to.

Once I have him situated in my arms, he stirs a little. My entire body freezes and I pray that he doesn't wake up. It'd be a bit awkward to explain to him why he was waking up in another man's arms. Thankfully, he only turns into my chest and snuggles closer to me. He's probably freezing… the heater is busted in our apartment. Since I radiate heat, I don't really blame him for trying to get closer.

When I reach his bed, I set him down carefully only to elicit a groan of protest from him. Before I can stand back up, his arms are glued around my neck in an attempt to keep me close. Feeling bad, and knowing that I was the cause of his recent distress, I lay down beside him and wrap him up in my arms to let him warm up a little. He immediately latches onto me with a content sigh, shifting around until his head was laying right on my bare chest.

As awkward as it is, I can't help but find it a bit comforting. I let him absorb my heat for a few minutes before pulling his comforter up over him and shimmying out of his grasp. My heart nearly breaks as he reaches for me, letting out the smallest whimper. If only he could see himself right now… he'd be so embarrassed.

Crossing the hall to my own room, I promptly crawl into bed and fall into a deep, well-needed sleep.

 _Roxas_

When I wake up the next morning, the musky scent of Axel's cologne floods my nose and I cough a little, sitting straight up in bed. Why the hell do I smell like him? Lifting myself out of bed, I scowl at the icy cold. "Why can't this damned apartment building have heat?!" I wonder out loud as I stretch a little.

Looking down, I find myself still partially in my uniform and try to remember what happened last night. I remember making dinner… but I don't remember eating. A grumble from my stomach reminds me that I'd skipped my meal and most likely had fallen asleep on the recliner.

After changing into a pair of pajama pants and a tshirt, I wander groggily into the living room expecting Axel to still be in bed. I'm mistaken, however, as a wall of delicious scents hit my nose from the kitchen.

"Axe?" I call, unable to stop myself from yawning mid-word.

"In the kitchen, Roxie!" he calls, making me smile a little.

Following the scent, I find a huge breakfast sprawled out on our dining room table, which sat in the corner of our kitchen getting rare use. "You did all this?"

He smirks a little, "Nah, a hobo strolled in and cooked for us."

"I guess that was a stupid question… But why? I mean, you're usually still fast asleep when I get up for work."

Turning to face me, I note a sheepish look crawling across his face, "About work… I called and told them you were sick today."

"What?! I'm not sick!" I exclaim, huffing a little. I never miss work, and I don't want to start now.

"Relax, dude… You just need a day off. You've only got like 30 vacation days saved up. I'm not going into the shop either, I already moved my appointments. I… I'm worried about you, man…"

I exhale sharply, narrowing my eyes on him, "Well don't be. I'm fine. I just… got a little down yesterday. I'm calling back in to tell them I'm coming."

"No, no you're not. I hate to break it to you, Roxie, but you were practically six feet under yesterday," he counters, holding up my cellphone that he'd inexplicably acquired somehow. "Look… I know I'm usually just a snarky bastard with a sarcastic response for everything, but you're my best friend and… I can't just let you slip into this depression. Talk to me, Rox… what's wrong?"

I sit down at the table in front of the feast he's cooked, giving a heavy sigh, "I told you, Axel… something is missing."

"But what?" he presses, sitting down across from me, "What do you think is missing?"

I swallow hard, the word catching in my throat and again on the tip of my tongue, "Love…"

"What was that?" he leans in closer, eyebrows raised.

"Love," I choke out again, staring at the table nervously, "I think… I'm missing love. I have nobody to make my heart feel whole…"

He sits back in his chair, a smirk touching his lips, "Well damn, Roxas! Why didn't you let me know sooner? I know tons of girls! Just pick one, I'll get you a date!"

Fiddling with my wristbands, I chewed on my bottom lip nervously, "But… that doesn't seem like a good way to find love. I mean, the girls you know are… Well, you've slept with almost all of them, Axe."

"Well what other way is there, Rox? I mean, love isn't just going to fall from the sky and thump you on the head," he points out, reaching over and knocking me on the head with his knuckle for emphasis.

"I guess…"

He thinks for a moment, "Well, we don't have to use my dating pool, I suppose. You wanna go out tonight? Hit some of the clubs around Traverse Town? I'm sure we'll hunt you down a date there."

I sigh, mulling it over in my mind for a minute. I might as well… He's right; love isn't just going to pop out of nowhere. "…Sure. All right, we'll go out tonight."

"Awesome! You won't regret it, Rox."

Watching him tear into his breakfast, I find myself smiling again, "And Axel… thanks. You're a great friend, even if you are a delinquent."

"It is a tad ironic, my policeman friend."

Axel and I balance each other out perfectly, even if he gets on my nerves sometimes. Honestly… I'm not really sure what I would do without him. In all of his insanity and chaos… he actually keeps me sane.

"True… but I wouldn't have it any other way," I grin slightly, starting into my breakfast as well.

"It's so good to see you looking happy, man. I was… I was really afraid that you were cutting again…"

I try to hide my reaction to that, choking on my eggs a little, "N…no… Of course not, Axel. I won't resort to that again… no matter how sad I am."

"Good. …Promise?"

I remain silent for a moment, unable to look him in the eyes, "…Promise."

Through the rest of breakfast I can feel his emerald eyes trained on me suspiciously. He knows better than to ask me to take my wristbands off, and… I've been careful about it this time. I hid my blade really well and I only do enough to give me the rush I need.

Later in the evening I find myself getting dressed to go out… something I haven't done in a long time. I don't drink often, and the bar scene just isn't my thing.

"You'll love this place," he keeps reassuring me on the train to Traverse Town. I almost believe him, but when we get there I nearly turn around and leave right on the spot.

And then _she_ comes up to me.

 _Axel_

"Roxas! Oh my God, long time no see!"

 _Shit…_

"Hey Kairi!" I intercept her before she can reach him, "How've you been?"

"No worse than when you kidnapped me, jerk," she bites, raising an eyebrow at me, "Let me say hi to my brother-in-law."

She snakes around me to walk up to him, but he only stares blankly at her, "Uhm… do I know you?"

"Of course you do, silly! It's me, Kairi! Sora's wife?"

Roxas glances over at me, looking incredibly alarmed, "Who… who's Sora?"

"Your brother? Or… at least I assume that's what you are, seeing as you came from him. You're like… twins!" she chatters at him, setting a look of deep confusion into his face.

Directing her away from him again, I knock her upside the head, "Kairi, you dumb bitch! He doesn't remember any of that! When Namine separated them, she replaced Roxas' memories."

"And why the _hell_ would she do that?" she demands, a hand flying to her hip as she sasses me.

"Kairi… he wasn't supposed to exist. How could he ever be happy knowing something like that?"

She glances at him over her shoulder and shrugs, "He doesn't look happy anyways."

"Why the hell are you here anyways?" I change the subject, looking her up and down.

"Uhm… I'm a waitress?" she tells me, holding up the empty drink tray in her right hand.

I roll my eyes, "Perfect… Look, I brought him here to cheer him up, so just leave us alone and quit freaking him out!"

She just smirks, "Fine, Flame-Boy… I'll leave you alone. But it seems to me like you care just a _little_ too much for you best bud over there."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Oh nothing… Just… if I were you, I'd start thinking about how you feel for dear Roxas. And… think deeply, Axel," she adds, walking away with a smug look on her face.

Grumbling, I turn back to Roxas only to find him sitting at the bar talking to some tall brunette girl who looks about twice his age. Really, Rox? A cougar?

Strolling up to the bar, I order a couple of drinks.

"Here," I hand Roxas one of them, keeping the other for myself, "You'll need this."

"Wh…what is it?" he asks me, looking a bit afraid of it.

The brunette giggles a little, making me cringe, "It's yummy, Roxie! Try it!"

I sneer at her, pissed that she's using my nickname for him. "I'll… just be back later…" I grumble, patting him on the shoulder before walking away and sitting down at a table alone.

"Well that was cute," a certain pink-haired bitch sneaks up on me, "Didja do any thinking?"

"The fuck do you mean?" I eyeball her angrily, downing half my drink at once.

She sits down across from me, chuckling evilly, "I saw that look you gave her when she called him Roxie. Jealous much?"

"Kairi… walk away before you get hurt," I warn her through clenched teeth, gripping my drink tightly.

"Oh… are you trying to behave for him? Think you'll impress little Roxie by playing nice?"

I snarl at her, fighting back the urge to smack her across her smug face, "I'm not gay, you stupid bitch!"

"Aww, that's just too bad… you two would make such a cute couple. I mean… Roxas _is_ gay. Or… did you not know?"

I shot her a glare, "He's not gay, Kairi. Shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Where the fuck did you even come up with that?"

Pointing him out, she just shrugs, "I… I think I can tell."

I follow her gaze to him, finding him talking to the same brunette cougar from before. But much to my surprise… he keeps eyeing this guy sitting alone at one of the other tables. "Oh shit… how…?" I trail off, averting my eyes from the strange scene before me.

"Wow… you really didn't know, did you?"

"N…no… Fuck… Roxas is gay…?"

She narrows her eyes on me, leaning across the table, "How did it feel when he forgot you, Axel?"

"Stop it, Kairi…" I grumble, putting my hands over my ears.

"He once laughed at the idea of you being friends."

I press harder, "Knock it off!"

"He left you alone… to die fighting for him."

"Kairi, quit!"

"Admit it, Axel… you love him."

In a matter of seconds I have Kairi thrown up against the wall by her throat, my hand tightening over her airway as flames begin to engulf my arms. She opens her mouth to scream, nothing but a strangled little yelp coming out.

"Axel, what the fuck?!" Roxas' voice cuts through my fury, "Let her go! What the hell are you doing?!"

He grabs my wrist and I immediately put the flames out so that I don't hurt him. His touch drives me insane… why does his touch drive me insane?! I shove him away and toss Kairi aside, sinking to the ground and wrapping myself in the comfort of my flames.

The next half hour is a complete blur… All I can remember is the look on Roxas' face when they take me back to jail.

 _Roxas_

I shouldn't have gone to that bar… but I did. I shouldn't have been staring at that man… but I was. I really, really shouldn't have bailed him out… but I did that too. I should _not_ have trusted Axel. ...But I did.

"Roxas, I'm sorry! She fucking deserved it!" he yells after me as I storm into the apartment, heading right for my bedroom.

I slam the door in his face and lock it, "I trusted you, Axel! But you decieved me yet again! And for what? To continue lying to me about my past?"

"I… I didn't mean to!" he shouts through the door, banging on it in desperation.

"Bullshit," I growl, punching the door right where his face should be.

"Roxas!" he whines pathetically, "I'm sorry!"

I'm so… so sick of hearing him apologize. I'm sick of all of it. The lies… the bits and pieces of my past that just don't seem to fit in right.

Taking a deep breath, I slowly walk towards my bathroom with one mission in mind. Fumbling to find the blade taped to the top of the medicine cabinet, I can't get my hands to stop shaking. Peeling the tape off, I stare at my reflection in the mirror for a long moment… This is it.

"Roxas!" he starts to sound panicky, "Roxas, what are you doing?!"

I try to tune him out as I pull off my wristbands, revealing a series of shallow, thin cuts on both of them, some more healed than others.

"Roxas! I have to tell you something!" he shouts, pounding on the bedroom door as hard as he can.

"What?!" I scream as loud as I can in response, tears springing to my eyes as I lean over the sink with the blade clutched between my fingers.

Suddenly there's a deafening silence, a pause before he simply states, "I love you."

And without hesitation, I slide the blade down my left forearm using as much pressure as I could force myself to.

"Roxas, did you fucking hear me? I… I'm in love with you!"

I don't even feel myself crying out in pain as I quickly slip the blade into my other hand and match the deep cut on the right side.

It's over now. I no longer have to play a pawn in this false world.

 _Author's Note:_

No, the story doesn't end here. ;) Keep an eye out for Part Two of Don't You Dare, coming soon! This is the first two-shot I've done in a long time, so let me know what you guys think by favoriting, following and as always, giving me plenty of reviews!

Until Part Two,

EtherealLove15


	2. Part Two

_Axel_

I'm not sure what I expected to hear when I finally confessed to Roxas that I love him, but the sickening thud on the other side of the door was not it. "…Roxas?" I fight through the lump in my throat to ask. "Roxas?!" I cry again, yanking on the doorknob as hard as I can.

In my frustration to get to him, I melt the doorknob out of the door and kick it open. When I don't see him right away, my brow furrows in confusion, "…Rox?"

Turning towards his bathroom, I nearly vomit as I step in something sticky on the carpeting. The acrid smell of blood fills my nose and I have to cover my face with my sleeve as I take another careful step towards the bathroom.

"Roxas…" my entire heart leaps into my throat when I find exactly what I'd been terrified of. I drop to my knees beside him, pulling his blood-soaked upper body onto my lap and trying desperately to find any sign of life in his body.

My hands won't stop trembling as I fumble in my pocket to find my phone, barely able to dial the emergency line. "Roxas… you promised me… You promised!" I shout to nobody in particular as the phone rings.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My roommate… he tried to kill himself," I sob into the receiver, "He… I think he slit his wrists… We're in apartment 813…"

The woman on the other end stays calm, "What's your name?"

"Axel… Axel K…Kai…" I mumble, holding him close to me.

"Is he breathing, Axel?"

I look down at him, my vision blurring with tears, "B…barely…"

"All right, Axel… we have an ambulance on the way. They'll be there shortly. Listen to me, I need you to find some towels or some fabric… anything you can wrap around his wrists to try and stop the bleeding. Can you do that?"

"Y…yeah…" I sniffle, reaching up and yanking down his bath towels, then putting the phone on speaker and setting it up on the sink. I wrap the towels around his wrists and hold pressure there, "O…okay… Now what?"

"Just wait for the ambulance, Axel. They're on their way," she assures me, "Stay on the line until they arrive."

In only moments I hear the paramedics come in through the front door. They usher me out into the living room quickly, where I'm met by the police.

"What the fuck happened to Roxas?!" one of them exclaims, clearly dropping his professionalism when he realizes that it's their coworker.

"He… he… I don't know! We were sort of fighting and then he locked himself in his room and… I just found him like that!" I try to explain, but all I'm met with are glares.

"So you were fighting? Did you hurt him?" the taller of the two narrows his eyes on me, pulling out a little notebook.

I look up and him in surprise, "N…no? What the fuck kind of question is that?! He's my best friend, I'd never hurt him!"

"I remember you… Didn't we just arrest you last night?"

"That has absolutely _nothing_ to do with Roxas. Can we focus on making sure he's not fucking dying?!" I shout at them, my heart nearly breaking inside my chest as I watch them wheel him through the living room on a stretcher.

The shorter policeman just sneers, "They're taking him to the Twilight Clinic. You can meet him there."

And suddenly I'm alone.

"Wait! I don't have a car!" I shout after them, but it's too late. "Shit…" I mumble, running a bloody hand through my hair without realizing it. The train doesn't run to the hospital, and it's too far for me to walk…

I stand in the middle of the living room for a long moment before the slight glint of light on Roxas' keys catches my eye. I… I can't… It's a crime… I could get arrested again…

But… it's parked right downstairs. It's full of gas… and I have the keys…

"Fuck it," I decide, grabbing his keys off the hook and shoving both of our wallets in my pockets. When I get downstairs I stare at his shiny black and white police car, my stomach flipping a little as I unlock it and get in the driver's seat. Of course… my legs end up crammed into my throat because Roxas is a midget.

Throwing the seat all the way back, I turn the key in the ignition and speed out of the parking lot. But of course… as if my night isn't shitty enough, I hit every fucking red light in town.

Eyeing the little switch for the lights and sirens, I chew on my bottom lip. Now… I _really_ shouldn't do it. I know that I shouldn't. But Roxas might be awake in the hospital right now. He might be alone and afraid and… fuck, he might hate me, but I need to be there for him.

So I swallow hard, flipping the little button on and suddenly I'm speeding towards the hospital, running lights and forgoing every single rule about driving I've ever learned.

The moment I reach the hospital I park as close to the Emergency Room entrance as I can get, running through the doors and nearly bowling over an elderly couple as I approach the front desk.

"Roxas. Roxas Sai. I need to see him now."

"Sir, are you bleeding? Were you hurt?" the small blonde girl squeaks, looking terrified of me.

I slam my hand down on the desk, leaving a print of half-congealed blood there, "It's not my blood. I'm fine. I need to see Roxas Sai. Where the fuck is he?"

"Let me make some calls and I'll see if I can get you a visitor's badge, okay? Just have a seat in the waiting room," she wrinkles her nose as she speaks, grabbing a pair of gloves and a heavy duty disinfectant to clean my bloody handprint.

"Fucking hurry," I glare at her, taking the seat closest to her desk to make sure she calls right away.

After mumbling in the phone for a couple of minutes, she leans over the desk, "Sir? They've just stabilized your friend. They'll send a nurse out to get you in a few minutes. Would you like a towel, or some… hand sanitizer?"

"I'm fine. I would _like_ to see my best friend, please."

"Come fill out your visitor's badge. Is there anybody else we need to notify?"

I shake my head, "No… he doesn't have any family."

"All right, …Axel," she says, reading the name I've scrawled on the badge, "They'll call you back as soon as they can."

Sitting back down in the chair, I slap the sticker onto my chest and wait. I fucking hate waiting.

Much to my surprise, the next blonde I see is a very familiar one. "Namine?" I look up at her, blinking a few times to make sure I'm not hallucinating.

"Axel… I'm Roxas' doctor," she offers a warm smile, clutching an iPad to her chest, "We're ready for you to come see him now."

I scramble to my feet, following her into the hallway, "You're… a doctor now?"

"Well… I didn't really have anything else to do, and my art wasn't really putting food on the table. So… yeah. I put myself through med school and here I am!" she chirps, leading me through the incredibly confusing E.R.

"Wow… who knew I'd end up doing more art than you?" I smirk a little, "Tattoo artist."

She gives me a funny look, "Oh. That… that is surprising."

"Is he going to be okay?" I ask her, stopping in the hallway to talk for a moment before we go into his room. "I mean… Should I prepare myself?"

"We stopped the bleeding and stabilized him, but he needed an emergency blood transfusion in the ambulance. He's going to be weak for a long time… and there's no way to know if there was any brain damage until he wakes up."

I fought back the urge to start crying again, "So… he isn't awake…"

"No… but he could wake up any time now, Axel. Go be with him," she prods at my side, trying to push me into the room. "Though… Axel, I just… why would he do this? Has… has he been remembering?"

I stop again, nodding a little, "Yes… it's been coming in bits and pieces for weeks now."

"Axel… if he remembers everything, I don't know what's going to happen. The procedure I did on him was obviously unstable… and having two lives suddenly crammed into his mind? It could be devastating."

"Well… let's hope he doesn't remember," I shrug, turning towards his room.

"Try to stay strong, Axel," she calls after me before rushing off to take care of her other patients.

"Roxas…?" I whisper as I enter the room, "I'm here, buddy… I'm here…"

Pulling a chair up to the side of his bed, I sit down beside him and sigh. He looks so… pale. He looks so… dead. I fight off another wave of tears as I instinctively reach out to grab his hand, but then I stop. His bandages start right at his wrists and I don't want to do anything that might open the wounds again.

Instead I reach up to caress his cheek, my thumb ghosting up and down his jawline as he breathed softly in… and out…

"You can't leave me here, Roxas… I need you… I… I love you…"

But I know deep down in my heart that Roxas could never love me the way that I love him. There's just no way… We've lived together for nearly ten years now. If he felt that way… If he was really gay…

And then there's me. I have no idea if I'm gay… All I know is that I have fallen so far in love with him that…

I can't keep torturing him with my company. This was my fault. I have been the true reason behind his depression—all of it. Everything from the arrests to my stupid decision to replace his memory.

I'm the reason he no longer wanted to live.

 _Roxas_

Groaning softly as I stir awake, I reach towards the voice I'd been hearing for the past hour, "Axel…?"

"Axel isn't here, Roxas…" a light female voice fills my ears, making me frown a little.

"Where… where is he? I need him," I mumble, sitting up a little bit in the hospital bed that I know I'm in. I've smelled nothing but hospital disinfectant for hours.

The thin blonde woman approaches me, holding a folded up piece of paper in her hand. "He left this for you, sweetie. I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"Thank you…" I say, taking the piece of paper and unfolding it.

"My name is Namine, if you need me. I'm your doctor," she tells me before backing out of the room.

 _Roxas-_

 _I am so… so… sorry that I pushed you to this. Had I known… God, Roxas… Had I just known… This was all my fault, I understand that now. I hope you find love in your life, Roxas, I really do. Stay alive for me, okay? The world is a better place with you in it. I hope you'll remember the good times we had together, like teaching me how to skateboard and watching me fall on my ass… or letting me give you your first tattoo and crying like a baby the whole time. Those are the moments I want to remember._

 _Hopefully by the time you're reading this letter, everything will be over and you'll be able to move forward with your life. I love you, Roxas… don't forget that._

 _-Axel_

"What… is he talking about?" I wonder aloud, but it hits me like a ton of bricks at once. "Fuck… Namine!" I scream at the top of my lungs, hoping she can hear me. "Namine!"

"Good Lord, Roxas, what is it?!" she exclaims as she runs in, panting heavily and leaning on the end of my bed.

I spot her phone attached to her hip, "Give me your cell phone. I need it. Right now."

"Okay…" she looks at me curiously as she tosses it towards me. "Is everything okay?"

"Just… shut up!" I hiss as I quickly dial Axel's number. It rings… forever, so I hang up and try again.

"…Hello?"

I nearly jump out of my skin when I finally hear his voice, "Axel! Axel, where are you?!"

"You don't need to know, Roxas."

Hearing cars in the background and rushing wind, I start sobbing immediately, "Axel, listen to me… This wasn't your fault. You can't do this… Please, Axel…"

"It's too late, Roxas…"

I can hear him fumbling with his phone like he's going to hang up and I lose my shit, "Don't you dare!" I scream into the receiver as loud as I can, "Don't you dare hang up on me!"

"…Why?" the word is soft… broken.

"Because… because I love you, you idiot!" I exclaim, sobbing so hard that my heart aches.

There's a long pause on his end, "…What?"

"I love you, Axel! Got it memorized?!"

And in that one little phrase, my entire memory floods back at once and I drop the phone.

 _Axel_

"Got it memorized?" the ever-so-familiar words pour into my ears, causing my entire body to freeze.

"Roxas…" I whisper into the phone, but the line disconnects suddenly and causes my heart to leap.

I take one last look at the traffic hundreds of feet below me before stepping backwards off the ledge and onto the roof of the building I was on top of. My feet just take off, my mind racing as I rush back to the hospital as fast as I possibly can.

And when I get there, it's absolute chaos in his room. From what I can see, which isn't much through the crowd of doctor's around him, he's either having a grand mal seizure or a heart attack.

"Roxas!" I cry, hoping that he can hear me over the chaos, "Roxas! I'm here!"

In the midst of my screaming, a couple of nurses shove me out into the waiting room yet again. I don't have the energy to fight them… so I slump into a chair and just wait… sobbing… terrified…

He loves me? Roxas loves me. In a friendly way? In a romantic way?

"Axel?"

I never thought I'd be so happy to hear Namine's voice, "Yeah? Can I see him?"

"Y…yes… He had a seizure, Axel… a bad one… Where were you?"

"Nowhere important," I bite, pushing past her and finding my way to his room again. "Roxas?

"…Axel?"

I choke up immediately, flinging myself at him while trying not to hurt him, "I'm here now, Roxas… I'm here… It's okay…"

"Don't… you dare… every leave me… again…" he growls, his voice sounding so… so weak.

"Hush… I'm not leaving you, Roxie… I promise…" I tell him, my hand finding it's way to caress his face again.

Of course, stubborn Roxas doesn't listen, "I remember… _everything_ … The… the Organization… Sora… I remember leaving you behind… God, Axel… I'm so sorry…"

"Roxas, you don't have to apologize to me… When Namine separated you from Sora I asked her to replace your memories… It was stupid, I shouldn't have… made that decision for you."

Suddenly he looks over at me, "Wait a minute… Axel, you were dead. You sacrificed yourself to save Sora… to save me… H…how…?"

"Again, thank Namine. I don't know how she did it, but… she saved my life. She found a way to give us all hearts, to make us human…"

"Is that why you blame yourself for everything? Because… you decided to make my life a little bit better?"

I look up at him, "You're not mad…?"

"I'm not sure if I would have chosen the same for myself… but… you meant well, Axel. You've been looking out for me since day one. Thanks…"

"Roxas… do you really love me?" I ask him blatantly, "Or did I dream that up somehow?"

He blushes deeply, "I… I think so. I mean… The feelings I get just looking at you… they take my breath away."

"Roxas…" I smile a little, meeting his bright blue eyes with mine.

"So… you love me too?"

I chuckle softly, "Fuck, Roxie, I guess I do… I'm just sorry that it took me so long to see it."

"I'm not… everything happens for a reason, Axel… Your words are what kept me alive."

I can't help myself anymore… I lean down to him, my eyes locked on his until finally… after all of this pain and turmoil, our lips meet. A shock runs through my entire body as I kiss him, letting me know that this right here? This is right.

"Axel…" he whispers against my lips, pulling back just a little bit. "If you ever… try to kill yourself again…" he trails off, "Just don't."

Quirking an eyebrow, I snort a little, "Yeah, 'cause you're the one to talk. We're in _your_ hospital bed, dork."

"Yeah? So whose bed will we be in back at home?" his voice suddenly takes on a sultry undertone.

My eyes widen a little, surprised by his blatancy, "Roxas…"

"Axel… do you know how many nights I've laid awake thinking about what it would be like to even kiss you? Seriously, the moment I'm released I'm jumping you."

That just makes me laugh, "You can try, pipsqueak."

"Hmm, it's even more fun when you make it a challenge," he smirks a little, biting his lower lip in an insanely adorable way.

So yeah… I'm kind of terrified of what my future is about to bring. But… with Roxas by my side, I can overcome anything that scares me.

I'm simply… unequivocally in love.


End file.
